If you’re like me, you’re reading a stranger’s divorce blog because that’s a whole lot easier than talking about the subject with your friends. But I hope you’re not like me, because if there’s one piece of advice I’d like to foist on the unhappily coupled (or uncoupled) of the world, it’s quit brooding and start complaining out loud.
Of course yakking about your troubles easier said than done. After all, if you never talk about it to anyone, it’s practically as if the problem doesn’t exist at all, right? Plus there’s that so-wrong-but-so-strong desire to be perfect that afflicts pretty much everyone. And don’t forget the silencing power of plain old embarrassment.
For me, it took about three years of therapy and painful experiences too numerous to recount before I finally picked up the phone and spilled my unhappiness to a friend. I’d recommend getting there more quickly if you can (and sharing on this blog might be a good start).
As I came tearfully clean, I was amazed to see that the sky didn’t fall and the earth didn’t swallow me up whole. In fact, it felt pretty good. When it was over, I still had a miserable marriage to contend with, and a scary divorce ahead. But I also had a friend to help me handle it – a friend who loved me no less for being, in that moment, about as far from perfect as it’s possible to be. And in the end, that made all the difference.
Addendum
True and important: Talking out loud about your relationship problems is not just a great way to get beyond a bad marriage – it’s also an essential skill for saving a good one.
