Comments for Girls Gone Single

Comment on No Shame, No Gain by costume jewellery

costume jewellery — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 11:06:34 +0000

Great post- I admire your ability to be so honest about topics like this.

Comment on Umm… Congratulations? by Diva

Diva — Thu, 20 May 2010 02:11:00 +0000

For me the saying was “The Grass is Greener on the other side”. And it sure was! The weight that was lifted off my shoulders after that divorce was wonderful.

Sometimes instead of saying “I’m sorry to here that”. Just maybe ask that person- “Is it working for you”?

It’s a persons nature to say “I’m sorry to here that”. When people said that to me, I said “OH God no, it was one of the best decisions I made in my lifetime”!

Comment on No Shame, No Gain by GGS

GGS — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 17:46:52 +0000

Karen, thanks so much for the comment. I love how you used the words “practice being brave and strong.” You are so right, those qualities don’t just happen on their own — they require practice, and with practice, you get better at it. I relate to so much of what you said. I hope you’ll keep reading! -Liz

Comment on No Shame, No Gain by Karen

Karen — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 04:31:36 +0000

I have to say that any real shame I feel is not related to getting a divorce, but instead, is for staying in a horrendous marriage as long as I did. I work on being forgiving, and am reasonably successful, but every once in a while I am compelled to beat myself up a bit for “being stupid.” Frankly, I have also spent some energy congratulating myself for finally getting myself and children out of what was a traumatic and dangerous situation. We have been able to move on to a more peaceful life, but because the divorce is not done, it is challenging to not occasionally reflect back on the year’s leading up to it. I spend too much time thinking, “If only I’d left 2 years ago, 6 years ago, 10 years ago,…” I was in too much denial, and then too scared to leave. That is what I am ashamed of, that I let fear get in the way of rescuing myself and my children. Instead, I was scared every day, in my own home. Now, I practice being brave and strong, not easy as I negotiate so slowly through this seemingly interminable divorce process. I am flourishing, and mostly at peace, except for the fact that my ex is trying to punish me by hurting our children. I will protect them, with every ounce of strength I have. Sorry to go on, I guess I needed to vent!

Comment on No Shame, No Gain by Bobbi Palmer

Bobbi Palmer — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 23:56:18 +0000

Liz:
Great blog. I love, love, LOVE your ability to cut right to it, acknowledge the pain and nastiness of it all…and then encourage us to move forward with grace and forgiveness…especially for ourselves. It really is all a learning experience, and if you stop to soak it in and accept your humanity (as you have) it will most definitely lead to greater happiness and contentment (both in yourself and in your relationships).
I’m quite sure you’re helping many women get through it and come out the other end.

Comment on Stand by your… ? by Sheeba

Sheeba — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 14:57:40 +0000

Great article. Congrats for a fresh new perspective.

Comment on Umm… Congratulations? by Setup Driver Guide

Setup Driver Guide — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 21:35:51 +0000

I generally go with congrats as well. Usually there is a reason for a divorce, and us being women, it means we usually carry an attitude of “screw you” on our shoulders. Women like to hear that their friends are happy that they are finally getting rid of that dirtbag. So i feel that congratulations is the appropriate response

Comment on In My Corner by Rachel Holdt

Rachel Holdt — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 04:35:16 +0000

I found such strength in your blog. In an emotionally controlling relationship, decision making is something that is never contemplated. Realizing that the decisions are yours and yours alone is a HUGE step in the right direction for me, and I thank you for a wonderful posting!

Comment on A Grateful Heart by Susan Tatum

Susan Tatum — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 17:22:54 +0000

Change is hard, and the total life change caused by divorce is like gold being refined in the crucible. I guess the important thing to remember during the process is that we are of infinite worth. For many of us, our sense of self has totally been replaced by the sense of ‘us.’ Now that ‘us’ doesn’t exist, we must slowly not only regain the sense of self, but the value of self.

If I could personify gold, I would guess that it would feel great agony at having the impurities burned out of it, even as we feel pain at our own process. However, what is left is pure and valuable. Facing the process with as much positive as we can at the moment does more than just prepare us (me) for gratitude in the future, but keeps us (me) facing forward and moving forward, even with small steps. The gratitude will come.

I am grateful now for small things related to the divorce, such as not only having the support of my family and friends, but finding that my coworkers have been united in supporting me; that HIS family have been there supporting me (he cut ties with his own family even as he cut them with me). I feel like I have an entire cheering section or even army there to cheer me on, to pick me up when I stumble. With their help, support and cheering, I am picking myself up and moving on. I am trying to make positive changes in my life–try new things just for me. I know I’m already making positive changes in my life, and for this alone, I’m grateful. Give me a year or two, and I suspect I’ll even say I’m extremely grateful for all of it, including the pain, as from the pain is coming new life and growth.

Comment on A Grateful Heart by GGS

GGS — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 14:32:37 +0000

Agreed, Susan. Sometimes trying to conjure a sense of gratitude in the middle of hardship is just unreasonable! But in my experience, even the most difficult experiences yield up some kind of positive lesson or insight after enough time has passed. Thanks very much for reading. — Elizabeth